Strange Noises at Night

The great concrete skeletons of what were once high-dollar vacation properties now stand veiled in shrubs and young trees just yards from school. Destroyed by a category 5 hurricane over 10 years ago, and still locked in litigation over insurance, they silently disappear behind a green curtain. Recently however, there have been rumblings in the online AUC forum of strange noises, loud “bangs!” from the enchanted bungalow forest late in the night.

Some have suggested a homeless man, perhaps drunk on Mt. Gay Rum. Others have suggested a gay mountain-man, perhaps homeless. Even stranger, there has long been a myth at AUC of a small monkey that appears sporadically that may be the culprit. Here, for the first time an AUC student has captured a picture of the bombastic beast on his blue bordered balcony:

But look, LOOK CLOSELY, this is no ordinary monkey. This is a monkey who can effectively discombobulate the spacetime continuum, this is...A FUTURE APE!



At this time it is unclear how this homosapian traveler of space and time gets around, current theories by prominent AUC guards in the guard shack suggest that maybe he travels in a phone booth with Abe Lincoln or perhaps a delorean modified to run on garbage. The theory goes on to suggest that perhaps the noises are a result of him working on his stainless steel 80's icon under the cover of night...mon. This may explain the missing car door handles mentioned in Paul Kyser's blog. Another opinion from a highly respected student was “Dude he probably just, like, f'd up his date settings on his camera or something, youre an idiot, youre taking this way too far, are you recording me? Cut it ou....” I will be sure to report any new developments.